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**You have entered Billy's private office chat**  Dolla_Dolla_Bill: "72 bottles of rootbeer on the wall, 72 bottles of rootbeer..."**HuggUlongtime enters chat** Dolla_Dolla_Bill: By golly, Bobby Huggins. What can ol' Billy do for ya today, Bobby? HuggUlongtime: Well, Coach Stewart, I am afraid I need to ask for your assistance. You see... Dolla_Dolla_Bill: Say no more. I have been waiting for you to come in and ask for a while now. HuggUlongtime: What? You have? Dolla_Dolla_Bill: Yes. And, Bobby, I am glad to see you took the first step: admitting you need help. HuggUlongtime: What the @#$% are you talking about? Dolla_Dolla_Bill: Your anger problem. That is what you want help with, right? HuggUlongtime: I DON'T HAVE A #@%$ING ANGER PROBLEM YOU DIMWITTED DIPSHIT! Dolla_Dolla_Bill: ... Dolla_Dolla_Bill: Well then, what seems to be the problem? HuggUlongtime:: MY @$%@#($^% TEAM SUCKS NUTS IN THE SECOND HALF! HOW DID YOU GET YOUR KIDS TO TURN IT ON IN THE 3RD AND 4TH QUARTERS? Dolla_Dolla_Bill: Ah, that's an easy one, Bobby. I just lead a rousing chorus of Kum Ba Yah and stress fundamentals-like not fumbling, catching and tackling the guy with the ball. Tell ya what, let Billy Stewart have a talk with them during halftime of the next game. That will fix it. HuggUlongtime: Ah, what the hell. It CAN'T get any worse.**Session has ended** **You have entered Mountaineer lockerroom halftime chat** HuggUlongtime: CHRIST ON A CRACKER! YOU BOYS NEED TO GET YOUR **** TOGETHER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LOSE BY 87! THE ONLY BRIGHT SPOT OF THE WHOLE GAME IS WELLINGTON ONLY HAS ONE @#%$ING FOUL! sir_wellington: I only played for 28 seconds, though. HuggUlongtime: SHUT UP! TO GET YOU GUYS PREPPED FOR PLAYING SOMETHING WE CALL "DEFENSE"...I HAVE INVITED BILL STEWART TO GIVE YOU A @#&&@%# #@%$ING PEPTALK! kangaruoff:: The happy guy? the_butler_did_it: WHAA..? Man, hope that dude ain't in charge of callin' timeouts. Dolla_Dolla_Bill: Thanks for that heartfelt introduction, Bobby. If you wouldn't mind, though, these talks are really kind of private, so we will see you at the start of the next half.**Dolla_Dolla_Bill has closed the chat session** **You have entered start of second half chat** HuggUlongtime: NOW GET OUT THERE AND KICK SOME ASS! Dolla_Dolla_Bill: And don't forget the importance of the fundamentals of the game we talked about! sir_wellington /fouls out with 19:52 remaining HuggUlongtime: ****!! CAM, GET IN THE DAMN GAME! a_man_named_cam: /tackles opponent, forces fumble Dolla_Dolla_Bill: THATTA BOY! |
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Last season, I finally was able to make my weekly CFB picks official. Although the empirical data was lost to the computer at my last job, I assure you, I ran a successful record around 85% plus straight up and 66% plus against the spread on picks (feel free to go back and look if you would like  ). This season, after incorporating a few of the others a couple times, PB and I are joining forces for a season long battle in prognostication supremacy. The competition will run all season and through the bowl games (not that PB will be that close--first burn!!) with the winner being awarded a case of a delicious malt, lager or ale. As always, wemustignitethiscouch.com does not condone or promote gambling, drinking until rug-burn reaches your forehead or watching Notre Dame play; however, ALL of those (along with Charlie Weiss/Rich Rodriguez jokes and scantily clad women) will likely be mentioned each week. Also, there will be weekly trivia (at the bottom!!) and a little smack-talk from the previous week's winner. So, be prepared to participate and post your own picks.  "I just hope the good folks at wemustignitethiscouch will put all this behind them and not bring me or…SHIT!" Get to it… Game of the Week #20 Illinois at #6 Missouri -9 This game lost some luster when Rashard Mendenhall left for the NFL. However, Juice Williams and a rising Illinois (that snuck into a BCS game) team against Chase Daniel, all-world sophomore Jeremy Maclin and a terrific Missouri (who was snubbed from the BCS) defense will make for a must see game. PB: Mizzou covers Joe: Mizz 35-21 Michigan Man Utah at Michigan -3.5 We will always keep an eye to the north and see just how our buddy RR is doing. Looks like a tough one this week. (you will quickly notice a pattern in our picking of these games…) PB: Utah beats Michigan for their first loss, of many. Joe: Utah 42-30 Top 25 #23 Wake Forest at Baylor +11.5(Thursday) The Demon Deacons return a veteran team and COULD be the class of the ACC this season (which isn't saying much). Baylor, well…the Bears can hope for some sort of home field advantage, at least. PB: WF. Baylor is in Mexico right? Joe: WF 31-17 Youngstown State at #2 Ohio State Off After ending the last two seasons in embarrassing fashion, OSU looks to start this one off with much of the same, for Youngstown State that is. PB: Buckeyes. Joe: tOSU 56-3 Akron at #13 Wisconsin -25.5 The Zips could be a surprising team in the MAC this year, but don't look for an Appalachian State-like game here. Wisconsin has won 15-straight at home and should challenge for the Big Ten. PB: Wisky. Never bet on a team named the Zips. Joe: U-Dub 48-21  "Well, now you HAVE to cheer for the Badgers." #17 Virginia Tech at East Carolina +9.5 The turkeys are a favorite in their half of the ACC on mostly name alone. The defense will be solid, but the offense is filled with question marks. ECU is upcoming and should be better than last years team…upset?? PB: ECU in the upset victory. Joe: VT 20-13* Coastal Carolina at #22 Penn State Off Good way to start Joe Pa's 342nd year as a head coach…with a pre-chewed cupcake. Coastal Carolina..never heard of them. PB: PSU, a lot to not much. Joe: PSU 49-0 Bowling Green at #25 Pittsburgh -13 As a trendy pick to win the Big East, Pitt should come out with all guns firing. Nothing trendy about the Falcons high-octane offense and veteran defense as a favorite in the MAC. PB: Pitt wins but doesnt cover. Joe: Pitt 28-24* Georgia Southern at #1 Georgia Off I usually don't like cupcake games, but considering the Dawgs schedule down the road…I'll allow it. PB: UGA, I dont think anyone in their right mind is picking an upset here. Joe: UGA 56-9 Hawaii at #5 Florida -35 Wow, a look at Tim Tebow, the world's most beloved character AND the next quarterback that will throw for 600ypg in a gimmicky offense at Hawaii! PB: Hawaii gets spanked, but covers the 35. Joe: UF 50-21* #3 USC at Virginia +19.5 The Cavaliers turned a lot of heads with a stingy defense last season. LAST SEASON. USC starts a, gulp, new QB this year. Pencil him in for the Heisman in 2010 if he can hold it together through this season. PB: USC covers Joe: USC 35-10 Villanova at #8 West Virginia Off Well, thank Ceiling Cat this isn't basketball season. First chance to see how Stew's Crew fairs sans Slaton, Schmitt and a secondary. PB: WVU, of course. Joe: WVU 66-13  amen..er..a-cat Appalachian State at #7 LSU Off The Mountaineers are a very dangerous team. Tigers, remember last season. No, not winning the title, ASU beating Michigan. Oh, wait…LSU is better. Or maybe coaching at your alma mater just doesn't mean what it used to. PB: LSU tees off on last years party crashers. Joe: LSU 63-17 Northern Iowa at #16 Brigham Young Off The Stormin' Mormons are looking to bust the BCS this season. With nearly all of a VERY productive offense back, they just may. The Northern Iowa Panthers are one of the better teams in the FCS and look to do some busting of their own. PB: BYU Joe: BYU 48-21 Chattanooga at #4 Oklahoma Off The Sooners are a favorite to win the B-12 South and inevitable fall in another BCS game. OU really is fielding one of the nation's best teams, and like early last season, we should all see why in this thriller. :jerk PB: OU, by 50 or so. Joe: OU 73-6 Louisiana-Monroe at #10 Auburn -26 With a new offense, led by a new QB and coordinator, Auburn will try to take the SEC by storm with good defense and..a spread offense? Now that just ain't good ol' Alabammy style football, no sir. PB: Auburn, by 50 or so. Joe: Aub 35-8 Florida Atlantic at #11 Texas -24 Never underestimate Mack Brown…especially with a veteran team lead by Colt McCoy. FAU (won a bowl game last season) returns one of the nation's top passers in Rusty Smith. They will try to catch Texas napping like Arkansas State did to the 'horns last season. PB: Texas wins, FAU covers. Joe: Tex 42-24*  Ronnie James Dio..rock god or Texas fan? Eastern Washington at #12 Texas Tech Off Some things just aren't fair. Having a QB that threw for nearly 6000 yards the previous season..is one. Having a WR that caught almost 2000 of those..as a freshman is another. EWU is excited in their own right, returning one of the FCS's top passers. However, TT also returns nearly their entire starting defense. PB: TT, Harrell passes for 700 yards in 3 quarters. Joe: TT 63-9 Florida International at #14 Kansas -36WTF..Kansas? I still can't believe how well they did last season. They are one of the most fundamentally sound teams I have seen. No let downs against one of the worst teams in the modern history of college football. PB: FIU covers an overrated KU squad. Joe: KU 70-7 Tennessee-Martin at #19 South Florida Off I hate Matt Grothe. That is all. PB: USF, PB also hates Matt Grothe. Joe: USF 42-3 #24 Alabama at #9 Clemson -4.5 A contender for GOTW, this one could derail Clemson's aspirations of, gasp, dare I say…the BCS. Nah, they play in the ACC. However, the Tide are dark horses in the SEC West, good measuring stick game for each team. PB: Bama wins outright. Joe: Clem 28-20 Northern Arizona at #15 Arizona State Off Seriously? There is a Northern Arizona? I did not know that. I would say that they will be no problem for the home team Sun Devils. PB: ASU Joe: ASU 51-12  The first of MANY ASU fan pics... Washington at #21 Oregon -13.5The post-Dennis Dixon Ducks could be in prime position to take hold of the Pac-10 this season, seriously. Washington has a possibly great QB in Jake Locker, but without winning games like this one, Willingham will be gone. PB: Oregon wins and covers. Joe: UO 38-24 #18 Tennessee at UCLA +7.5(Monday) The Vols head back to Cali early in the season again to tackle the Bruins (after failing against Cal last year). Both are starting new QBs; however, UCLA is replacing most of a veteran team. Rick Neuheisel faces a tough task, but he could probably find a few Tenn players willing to take a dive… PB: Tennessee in a rout. Joe: Tenn 27-20* * Win without covering ** Outright Upset Wemustignitethiscouch.com does not promote gambling: it can lead to debt, divorce and (depending on your bookie) dismemberment. Oh, and you could go to the Big House. And why would anyone want to visit Ann Arbor?  Why, indeed? FAN TRIVIA!!!  When was the last time BYU and Wake Forest were each ranked in the pre-season top 25??? You are on the HONOR SYSTEM people, no googling, yahoo-ing, or wikipedia-ing! |
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Last season, the Mountaineer defense was outstanding. Probably the best it had been in the entire tenure of Benedict Arnold. As always, anything good (or bad) in football starts in the front. Without the immovable wide-bodies stuffing the line, Ivy, Williams and Thomas would be no more than good names for a law firm. Last year's squad also gave us many unforgettable moments from the defensive line. Vid is for the whole defense..but at 1:30 is my favorite play of the whole season Keilen Dykes mentioned that last season's defense finally bought into defensive coordinator Jeff Casteel's 3-3-5 scheme. About time. Of course, the now departed Dykes and Johnny Dingle playing the best seasons of their collegiate careers didn't hurt either. Enough with the past, on to the present… I have often said that no matter what, some good will come of Jason Gwaltney signing to play with WVU. Turns out, it was one of the best things to happen to WVU defensively. His half-brother, Scooter Berry, is the sole returning starter on the defensive front. Berry was named to collegefootball.com and Rivals.com Freshman All-American teams last season. While already being named to several publications' All-Conference teams (2nd or 3rd), Berry should greatly improve on his statistics of last season (27 tackles, 4.5 tfl, ff and 3 fr)--despite being the focal point of opposing offensive lines. Red-shirt senior Doug Slavonic will also fill the spot at tackle. The towering 6'7 lineman registered plenty of playing time last season as a back-up and spot starter at DT and DE. With Dingle's departure, a hole remains at the defensive end (although Berry will likely see time there as well). On the end, former linebacker Zac Cooper has been able to use his quickness to earn a starting spot. At only 250 pounds, the under-sized rs-junior has shown a knack for getting to the QB. Cooper could be one to watch after totaling 2.5 sacks last season as a reserve and third-down rusher.  Damn…I wasn't going to use this pic again. I just miss it. Red-shirt freshman Julian Miller has found his way onto the depth chart behind Cooper. After an impressive spring, the youngster has shown signs of being an outstanding pass-rusher. Should he stay healthy and remain comfortable when on the field, Miller could be the break-out freshman on defense. With Miller directly behind Cooper, is transfer Larry Ford. Ford has all the speed and skills to play, but at only 235lbs, needs more weight. However, he will be on the field. The nose tackle position withstood a huge loss when four-year starter Keilen Dykes graduated. However, 300-pound run-stopping specialist Chris Neild has stepped in and taken over the role. The junior should have no problem using his strength to muscle his way through opposing blocks. Neild might find himself in the back-up spot again early on this season. Senior (citizen) Pat Liebig has been granted another year of playing time after leaving the team two years ago to be with his ailing father. Those who questioned Liebig's "football shape" were apparently silenced on the field and weight room. Stewart has called Liebig a "man" in comparison to the other on the field, and that is not a joke about his age. Liebig was a former weight-room champion of the team and academic-all-star within the team and Big East. At 300lb, Liebig is the biggest addition to the DL this fall-literally and figuratively. This line might have new faces (and an old one) but is not lacking experience. Look for no letdown when the lights come on and the ball is snapped.  "Yo, I don't care who they are, as long as they get the ball back…no way I'm letting Tebow win two in a row." |
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"Keeping Patrick White upright." That is the key to this season's success, according to new head coach Bill Stewart. THAT all starts up front with the big uglies, the hosses, the war horses, the men in the trenches. Sure, White possesses other worldly badassedness and might be 'cooler' than Samuel L Jackson, but without a stout line, it would be a LONG season.  "Might?!? Notta chance Mutha' &#%@*!" Clearing the way for White, Devine, Brown and *insert name of random unheard of tailback/fullback*, and the players' buffet table at the Puskar Center, will be five returning starters on the line. Ahem. Allow that to sink in. In fact, I feel the need to emphasize. ALL FIVE STARTERS RETURN ON THE OFFENSIVE LINE. The BEST part about all of this? I don't have to write a preview!!! Just read PB's from LAST SEASON!!! ... Just kidding. This will be one of the most experienced and best prepared lines in the nation (despite the coaching changes). Others have taken notice, as well. The Mountaineer offensive front has been ranked as the nation's top unit by Athlon Sports; Ryan Stancheck, Mike Dent and Greg Isdaner have also been garnering individual attention.  Mike Dent preparing to snap Devine back to the sideline On to the ends… Ryan Stancheck is the obvious leader and has been racking up accolades since his freshman season (from freshman All-American honors as a guard to current preseason All-American honors as a tackle). The three year starter will continue to anchor the line; however, in his absence during some of the fall camp--due to an unknown ailment--red-shirt freshman Donnie Barclay has been more than an adequate back-up. The 290 lb Barclay has worked his way to the number two spot behind Stancheck at left tackle. Selvish Capers, at 6'5" 290, has solidified his spot at right tackle since his move from tight end last season. The senior was named pre-season All-Big East third team by Athlon Sports. Stephen Maw will again backup Capers at RT. Maw, a red-shirt senior, may challenge for the starting spot, as he filled in there last season for a banged up Capers. Both bring solid experience and terrific athleticism to what will be considered the weakest spot on the line. The middle… Will be anchored by center Mike Dent. The senior was OFTEN the ire of Mountaineer fans and the butt of a few jokes. Despite a few snaps that were…summoning Bob Uecker…"just a bit outside," the senior is being touted as one of the best centers in the nation and is named to the preseason Rimington Trophy watchlist. To Dent's left and right will be Greg Isdaner and Jake Figner, respectively. Isdaner comes into his red-shirt junior season--he started in the previous two, as well--after a tremendous showing in 2007. He was named to ESPN.com All-bowl and all-film team, to collegefootballnews.com's 2007 All-American team and to the All-Big East first-team. Holding down the right side, again, will be red-shirt senior Figner. Figner is one of the quickest of the linemen, despite being over 300lbs. He is, also, one of the most intelligent: being named to the AD's and Big East's Academic Honor Roll teams. There should be no let downs through the middle with the experience and ability of these starters. Gone is backup guard/center Eric Rodemoyer (now at Youngstown State), enter rs-so Eric Jobe and rs-fr Gino Gradkowski. Both will likely see time at left guard or center after impressing last fall and this spring. Moving into the backup slot at right guard is West Virginia's most heralded recruit, Josh Jenkins. Jenkins turned down offers from USC, ND, OSU, UM, the Browns and others to stay at home and play for WVU. Despite Jenkins being called soft by some and having his toughness questioned by Sam Huff, the large youngster has impressed enough to crack the two-deep. Like Devine last season, Jenkins will likely see action in the season opening cupcake game. Expect to hear the loudest ovation for a lineman. Ever.  "DID SOMEONE SAY "LOUDEST..LINEMAN..EVER"?" With the same starters across the front, a QB that should be a first ballot CFB HOF'er (you read it here first, folks) and running backs that can reach mach3 in just 15-yards…expect great things.  |
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It has been far too long since I have graced the interwebs with an original posting. While thinking back upon what really gets me in the mood to write and churns those creative juices, I began to realize all the things that I will NOT have the pleasure of seeing again this fall. That is correct. West Virginia University football will be lacking this season. Wanting. Begging for more. Oh no, you say? Check it out.  “Sheeyit son! All ya need is the kaboom.” 5. Super Steve Yeah, I admit. Tha Double S was a little less than “super” at some points last year. However, before we all attack Slaton (again) and his possible lack of heart or admonish him for “losing a step”…take a step back and review the play calling. Patrick White became the focal point of the offense and there was a much heralded freshman running back which basically HAD to be played. Devine racked up 627 yards rushing. Give those carries and yards to Slaton (since he lacked a viable back-up his sophomore year) and he is back to nearly 1700 yards. If necessary, complain about Rodriguez’s play calling--you know, the dozen plays with ten being labeled "White Make Me Look Good"--or Devine being too good to red-shirt, but do NOT toss Slaton under the bus for breaking 1000 yards and scoring 17 touchdowns. If you must bring Slaton into this…let me direct you to the proper location: our complaint department.  You were saying? 4. Rich Rodriguez and bubble screens Insert “what the…” and various profanities here. Yes, I said it. Do I miss RR as the head of the team? No. Do I miss the predictability and 3-yard gains of bubble screens? No. I do miss the drunkenness provided by RR and his play calling. That is right, I had a Rich Rodriguez drinking game. Bubble screens warranted taking one drink (since he called 75 a game, any more than one and you would die), a slightly angered RR—you know, the one that scrunches up his single page play book in his fist with a half grimace—gets you one drink, RR singling out a player is two, RR tossing something (or a faux-throw) is two, swear-filled tirades are three, dropping ‘GD’ on camera is three and dropping the ‘f-bomb’ starts some chugging. It is safe to say, that if can you stand to watch RR and/or Michigan this season, you now have guidelines to a drunken stupor. (NOTE: wemustignitethiscouch.com, the site’s writers and the site’s sponsors do NOT condone or promote underage drinking, abusive consumption or watching Michigan football. In fact, we advise against all three.) 3. “Crab cakes and football!” You know who does that? Maryland. Apparently, those are the only two things they do. It will be quite a shame to sit out a couple years of the most recent trend in the series. You know, the one where Ralph “Mangino has NOTHING on me” Friedgen looks upon his hapless players and a massive deficit on the scoreboard in astonishment. It is ALWAYS nice to beat the Terrapins. Suddenly, I miss SS a little less and the chance to pummel UMD a little more… 2. Brady Campbell When someone inquires as to the “greatest Mountaineer of all-time”…I like to place it on the shoulders of Brady Campbell. Why? Freaking look at him!  With the exception of neatly trimming his beard, Brady Campbell didn’t just look the part, he became the ideal WVU mascot. I heard he actually switched to a diet of only moonshine and raw bear meat. Of bears he killed. With his bare hands. I’m sure Michael Squires will do an admirable job. He has a great attitude to go with impressive qualifications. The crowd will obviously still roar with each musket fire. It just won’t be the same…  “Good luck filling MY buckskin… It is important to note that the name of WVU’s former face-breaking fullback has not been mentioned. And, it will not be. If ANYONE visiting this site does not know the compassion shared for the now Seahawk, I direct you to this article. 1. The Cooper-Berry combo just isn’t nearly as humorous. |
